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Written by Josh Millard
Year: 1999
I woke up at about 5:15 in the morning
And my stomach was more than upset
It was pissed
Things are a lot more stimulating
When you wake up nauseous
I remember noticing that my linux box
Was humming like a bastard

So I crawled past the dirty laundry and cinder blocks
And floppy disks and neglected syllabi
That decorate the floor of my dorm room
And on into the bathroom and to the great ceramic god
And I knelt there
Clad in cotton white Hanes
Waiting for the storm

O great ceramic god
So sparkly in thy toiletness
We offer you these gifts
As a sign of our devotion

A few minutes passed
Without incident
As I knelt there
Shivering in the cold flourescent light
"Am I gonna vomit?"
I thought to myself
And then I thought
Basically the same thing again
Because it was five a.m.
And frankly I wasn't feeling too profound

And then I noticed something was amiss
My stomach wasn't the only one complaining
And so I glanced around for some toilet paper
And dropped my briefs
And sat down on the cold
Cold toilet seat
And eyed the bathtub nervously
As my stomach rumbled on

I finished with the toilet paper
And flushed away my poolside friends
And resumed my humble position
Kneeling on the damp bathroom floor
And then the flood came
With all the standard gasping
And retching and wheezing
As I gave up what I'd had
At the movie theater that night
I think it was jujubees
And a large Barq's rootbeer

And my face was white and ashen
And my nose was running
And my throat burnt
With recylced stomach acid
And I looked into the bowl
And I thought to myself
You know
It's really amazing how
Such a small sum of up-chuck
Could cause such a massive amount of


Vomit Song

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