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Written by Josh Millard
Year: 2010
Recordings:
Lyrics:
I'm
So fucking free
Up offa my knees

Yeah nobody's
Draggin' me down
Fuckin' king of this town


Shoulda left so long ago
Just say goodbye and fucking go
Shouldna wasted all that time
As if I didn't fucking know
Shoulda done it like a bandaid
Shouldna been so fucking slow

Shouldna been so

I'm a
New fucking man
Playing my own fucking hand

Nobody's
Holding my reins
No more boulder and chain


Who are you kidding
You're just bullshitting yourself

So Fuckin’ Free

Track two from Inchoatery – post-break up euphoria and manic self-assurance.

This song started out as a piano figure I worked out on the night of February 1st; the little climbing move from C up to Fm in the main verse part feels like one of the most explicitly theatrical things on the album, especially combined with the first person assertiveness of the lyrics — I can almost see this being performed on stage with choreography, and I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that.

Regarding that theatricality, listening to the early sketch (which had the structure of the song fairly close to down already, actually), you can see I moved away from a soaring lead vocal melody to more of a descending and generally less acrobatic counterpoint line that felt, to me, at least a little less like something out of a musical, though I did bring the rising-vocals thing around as harmony callbacks later on.

The B-part of the song (“Shoulda left so long ago…”) lapses into more of the full-on rock sound I’d been eying when I started in on the album, though here as with other parts of the album I’m not totally satisfied with the kind of mushiness of the guitar sounds — I was originally imagining more bite in the guitar hits than there is. I haven’t recorded much amped electric in the past, and it’s still a bit of a black art to me.

The sound of this track, especially the piano-driven opening, owes a certain amount to the work I did with The Man So Cool, where I was the keyboardist in a rock four-piece. Working on this felt almost like resurrecting that somewhat, though in that band we were exclusively working with my friend Brian’s songs and so this is an interesting If I Ran The Circus creative shift.

But Terry, our drummer in that band, is a far better drummer than me, so, heh.

On drums: it was interesting trying to work out a unified rhythmic figure in the verse parts, putting emphasis on the second “and” in the “1 and 2 AND 3 and 4 and” count on that rising line from C to Fm (the “so fuck-in FREE” bit in the callback harmony vox the second and third time through the verse) — I don’t usually involve very complicated rhythmic figures in my stuff, and introducing drums to the mix has made me more conscious of the usefulness of things like that for spicing up an arrangement. I don’t feel like my execution here is all that tight, in the end, but I at least got the idea on tape in a recognizable fashion.

In other homage news, the unresolved “shouldna been soooo…” tagline coming out of the b-parts is in part a little nod to former Heat Lorraine drummer Edgar Paras’ song Like This, which has a similarly ambiguous line before the chorus: “sometimes / at times/ it can be soooo…”.

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